settling

Oh my goodness. I forgot how tiring moving was. I don't even want to describe the process... too much! Too much!

Anyway. School starts in... 4 EFFING DAYSSS. It still hasn't hit me yet.... Nope.

I feel so far away from home. I still feel like the Valley is my home. In my heart, it forever will be. I have to drive locally still, since my mom doesn't trust me on the freeway yet (tear), so it takes quiet awhile to get to church. Sigh.

Plus, EVERYONE lives in the valley... so I won't be able to hang out with them as much. Okay, sorry for whining and complaining in this entry. I just need to vent.

On the plus side, I do like where I'm living...... aside from the fact that I live under a rage-o-holic, wife-beating druggie. Seriously... God. He needs help.

I received this book from a good friend as a graduation present... and I kinda laid it aside for awhile and never took the time to really read it. They're like... love letters from God to His princesses. Each page is a new love letter and addresses different things like body image, finding our worth in Him, surrendering to His will, relationships, etc... and each page felt like it was written especially for me. Everything I'm struggling with and experiencing in life right now was addressed in this very beautiful book. God. You always make a way to touch my heart.

I find myself to be soooo unfaithful. I'm SO UNFAITHFUL. It breaks my heart to know that God, the epitome of the perfect love, still chooses to love love love me... and in response, I'm unfaithful and I give into my fleshly desires.

Then there's a part of me that just doesn't understand how He can still love me when He knows me better than I do? That He can look into the depths of my ugly, broken heart, and still find beauty in it... I can't understand. That lack of understanding prevents me from fully accepting the love that He freely gives.

"I, your King, stand outside the door of your heart and knock. I see you locked up in your private place of pain, but I won't force My way in. I will continue to wait patiently outside until you're ready to let Me come in. I long to hold you in My arms, wipe away your tears, and tenderly encourage you with My love and truth. I will continue to knock even when you turn a deaf ear. I won't stop calling to you from outside the door of your prison of pain. You do not have to answer, but I won't give up because I love you. I know your heart's cry is for the wholeness and healing that only I can bring. It's not too late, My princess. Today you can unlock the door in the darkened room of your heart and let Me come in. Like warm light and a gentle breeze, I will refresh and nourish your soul."

- His Princess, Love letters from Your King

Beautiful.