all you need is...

Lately, I've been really dwelling on the past. I've been looking at old photos, reading old letters, and just replaying memories in my mind. There were so many good times with people... and I realized that I really don't like change. Change is scary. I look at new pictures of my friends with their new lives, and I feel this drop in me. I feel like they've forgotten me, that I'm stuck in the old, and that they're moving on. I guess I'm really insecure.

I know that I've changed, too. I think that thinking about the past and wishing things were the same has really stunted me from growing and deepening new relationships. At a certain point, you just have to move on. Moving on isn't necessarily a bad thing. They're still my friends... but because of our circumstances, we've just drifted apart. But new people have drifted in. They're not replacing, no, but new relationships have so much potential to be something great. I feel like I'm waiting, I don't know for what, but I'm waiting for my old friends to come back... and that everything will be the same. So, I withdraw from new relationships... I "save" the true me for the friends I've known longer. But in actuality, we've changed, and it'll probably never be what it once was.

Let go. I need to let go. I need to love the ones around me. It's wrong of me to pick and choose who I love. Relationships take effort on both parties, and if I'm refusing to pour into a relationship, then it'll never last. Just love the people God has placed in your life right now. Love, love, love, love.

It's funny because although I hate change, I love transformation in God. He makes all things new... I like that. Not change. I guess I'm a boring person.