weiner.

So.. um... Hey, Blogspot... Can we be friends again?

It's already August. Oh.. My.. GOD. How is it time for school already? Just a few posts back, I was complaining about finals.

Then again... I'm actually looking forward to school. My major is declared, new classes, new people, new new new new.

This summer's been really... It was a time of pruning. I'm being pruned. And being pruned always hurts. Always.

Africa in 5 days.

I... am... freaking... OUT.

Here's some beauty.

2nd place

I really, really love blazers, tailored anythings, and dark/neutral color palettes.

Sooooo.....

It's kind of weird updating both tumblr and blogspot. Whatever I want to post, I have to choose between those two or else it's kind of strange to post something different on both sites.

I'm torn.

And it's actually not that big of a deal.

... AND LAME-O WAS HER NAME-O! :)

breathe

"Everyone knows, somehow, except for him."

"Fuck feeling inadequate. Fuck laying in bed thinking about everything you’re not doing. Fuck feeling like time is running out. Fuck self image. Fuck his perfect face. Fuck your unwashed hair. Fuck not trying hard enough. Fuck the internet. Fuck colds. Fuck being alone. Fuck loneliness. Fuck having to do it all over again tomorrow. Fuck youth. This isn’t youth. This isn’t freedom and weightlessness. Fuck not feeling young. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This week has been THE worst week ever... and it's only beginning. This is not overdramatic. Sobbing and cutting myself would be overdramatic.

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it… People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.

—  Alice Walker, The Color Purple

watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain pain pain

I...

have kind of fallen in love...

with John Mayer.

Pack, you have something to do with this.

His dating history and the peaked interest in sex and girls is a major gross, though.

,

Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

evil shmeevil

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,

Bright copper kettles and warm, woolen mittens.

Brown paper packages tied up with strings,

These are a few of my favorite things."

That has nothing to do with this blog post. I just really like The Sound of Music.

My fellow readers and bloggers... all 7 of you... 3 who actually read and respond.

I am an evil, evil person.

I am so evil.

So evil.

Evil.

My heart, is incapable of truly, purely loving.

Loving without expecting anything in return or hopes of my own benefit.

AHHHHH, SOOO EVIIIILLLLLLLLL.

Only God's love is pure. He loves only because He wants to... He doesn't need anything from us. He just loves.

We all fall short of that.

Everyone

Violently

Ice-picked the

Llamas

... because everyone is evil.

Good day.

hello, __________

I've decided that I no longer harbor feelings for you.

...... :)

fuego takis

taki taki taki

So good, so painful

taki taki taki

The spice and lime burn my tongue, like acid

taki taki taki

My tongue cries no, but my taste buds... they scream yes

taki taki taki

Snaps.

bbo bbo

I love this painting by Gustav Klimt. It's beautiful. And it has nothing to do with the fact that it was in the drama Stairway to Heaven. Nope.

Speaking of Korean dramas... they really are from the devil hisself.

Even in the span of 10 minutes... you're sucked in. Oh ho ho... no turning back after one stinkin' episode. When I think about it... I watched Choi Ji Woo sob onscreen for 4 minutes... and I didn't realize that I basically watched someone cry... with background music for that long. It's really kind of ridiculous. 4 minutes... What could I have done in 4 minutes?

- Make a smoothie.

- Pee

- Play a game of Scramble

- Catch up on a food blog

Hm. Interesting.

So, I'm thinking about getting another membership to a gym... I really used to enjoy running around outdoors (as you all know by now because you obviously read the RAD post)... but I can't help this paranoia I have of sleazy guys checking me out as I run. Now, I'm not saying that all guys check me out or that I'm someone worthy OF checking out... It's just that I've had my share of gross strangers and those experiences have pretty much traumatized me. I'm realllyyyyyyyyy suspicious of unfamiliar men in public now. It's pretty sketchy in gyms, too. I remember old guys drooling over the young ladies ALL the time... Gross. But I feel safer indoors than out.

Worst experience yet occurred in the LA Fitness across Galleria...

I remember being on a machine working out my biceps while talking with a friend... and then a man approaches me kneeling down in front of me...

Guy: (Sticking out his business card) Hey... I was just watching you across the room, and I wanted to give you my card if you wanted to call me sometime.

Me: .................. Do... Do you know how old I am?

Guy: Well.. no. I can tell you're pretty young... But my previous girlfriend was 19 and blah blah blah asjdfl;jaes;ifjsljdfk.....

Me: ........... I'm 15.

Guy: Oh... well... you looked older. Blah blah blah blah... (ends with a wink).

Words cannot describe how disgusted I felt afterwards.. I hid in the locker room until my mom picked me up. I feel like punching a guy if he winks at me now. I also refuse to wear body hugging, tight workout clothing. Everything I wear has to hang loose on me. The least attention I draw to myself, the better.

Guys are ddong shekkis.

Er... okay. I'm not sure how to end this post.

End post.

orea mcflurries

Treadmills... Aka Revolving Apparatus of Death. Yes... the RAD. It's a terrible thing, it is.

Freaking...

I wish imagining myself exercising would be enough. I imagine calories burning, legs toning, fat melting... And it actually happening in reality... (Continue with a Homer Simpson drool/moan).

That would be... glory.

Instead, I like to sit on my pudgy bootay indulging in oreo Mcflurries, pistachio flavored Ice Pan with mochi, falafel, goguma, samgyupssal, buffalo wing flavored pretzel pieces, choco gummies... (Continue with a Homer Simpson drool/moan).

It's like I can feel my pants digging into my hips and thighs, becoming tighter and tighter with each bite, each morsel.

Sick, sick, sick. Ewwwwwwww.

Fat is my pet peeve, I suppose. Fat on me, not so much on other people.

WHERE DID YOU GO, SELF CONTROL?! WHERE ARE YOU HIDING?!!!

I kinda hate chillin' in my living room, now. The treadmill (RAD)... it taunts me. There it sits, behind the couch near the window... there it stares at me with its judgmental eyes. Judging me for not using it when it's RIGHT there, facing the TV, totally available for use.

God, I hate treadmills.

patchwork girl

“Patchwork Girl has come to life;

No one’s sweetheart, no one’s wife;

Lacking sense and loving fun,

She’ll be snubbed by everyone.”

title

I think there's something wrong with me.

"Seenter Clause get DOWN!"

I just watched SNL with Taylor Lautner (aka Jacob Black) as the host. I don't know why... but I felt the need to blog about it. There seems to be nothing blog-worthy occurring at the moment.. sniff.

Highlights

- The Sparkle Choir Christmas performance - Seenter Clause... hahaha.

- New Doorbells ("Ding dong, halloh!")

- Lab Partners (Team Edward, Team Jacob... "I wanna bake cookies on your stomach.")

None of this will make sense, or be funny, until you understand the references. Hence, you must watch this episode.

Or not.

You don't have to if you don't want to...

But it was a good one.

MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO DA YARD!

winter break thus far

I have immersed myself in Dexter episodes. It's like crack... but then again, I wouldn't know what being addicted to cocaine would be like, so I don't know what I'm talking about.

Oh, and I watched The Royal Tenenbaums for the first time the other night, and I absolutely adored it. Total indie flick with legit music. I loved the music. And Margot Tenenbaum. She is someone I would like to be friends with. Most definitely.

Anyway... It's only been a week of break... and I'm taking full advantage of each moment to be lazy and not have to worry about any project or assignment. I literally stay in my pajamas for the whole day, watch Dexter or movies... And my hygiene may be questionable. There may be a day where I didn't brush my teeth... Maybe.

Beneath these many, heavy layers... there are answers.

calamity

It's been a really hard week so far.

There's SOOOO much work to be done. I feel like it never ends.

I'm outside of my home instead of taking my finals at school because I've locked myself out... and the locksmith is over an hour late.

Last night, I had some family issues that have really helped me to realize just how numb that I've become. It's kinda scary.

I haven't been doing devos.

I think it's making everything that much harder.

Jesus. I need your grace. More of your grace.

!

Sleepless nights.

Neck deep in work.

Stress a bounty.

Frantically rushing.

Weeping.

Confused states of zoning out.

Moments of giving in to sleep.

Let the finals...

Begin.

UPDATE

I have watched A Walk to Remember twice while working on projects today.

I never tire of that movie. Freaking love.

I know this is weird, but I get so sad knowing that Landon Carter isn't real. Their love is all an act. Shane West is actually a weirdo rocker who likes mohawks (nothing against that), eye liner, and black nail polish. :( I'm in love with Landon Carter, not Shane West.

Cheesiest lines of the movie:

"I'm afraid of not being with you... Oh baby, that'll never happen." GAG

"I might kiss you... I might be bad at it... That's... not possible." What does that even mean?

"It's like you were sent to me to help me get through all of this... You're my angel." Cheese cheese cheese

I think I like the cheese. :)

Meanwhile, I have two weird red shapes on each of my cheeks right around the same areas. My blood vessels have popped in those areas. I realized that they were from yesterday when I was pinching my cheeks trying to stay awake during service.

I feel like I'm a climber scaling the mountain for its height... estimating how much I'll have to climb... I'm guessing how much work I'm going to have to do this week... my eyes are still climbing up that mountain... and it's a huge mountain.

Do I even make any sense right now?

nom

Sore throat. Constant coughing. Procrastination. Homework. Ugh.

Random urge to bake. Look through cabinets. Surprisingly had all the ingredients for oatmeal cookies.

Eggs. Flour. Sugar. Vanilla. Cinnamon. Oats. Buttahh, lots of it. Baking soda. Craisins.

350 degrees F. 15 minutes.

Crisp edges. Fluffy, cakey innards. Damn, I'm good. Oh wait, not my recipe. Right.

I feel like I'm going to cough up my intestines every time I have a coughing fit.

Nobody cares.

Tomorrow: "0 comments"

Day after: "0 comments"

Next day: "Anonymous: Nobody cares."

Holy Nyquil. Knock me out, knock me out, knock me out. Hayuuullll yeah.

Goodbye, cruel world.

/

Be real with others, and they'll be real with you.

Don't try to be someone you're not... How else will anyone ever get to know you?

Be comfortable and confident in who you are.

Love yourself... You are worth more than you think.

g'dammit

Skipped school twice this week because I was "sick"... I really was sick, but not sick enough to miss school. I spent that time finishing an essay I had 14 weeks to work on. Sick.

Stuffing. I like stuffing. With raisins.

I like sweet potatoes. A lot.

Seafoam. I'm really into that color lately. Black and gold, black and navy blue, all white, grey, coral, sequins, leopard print, leather, chunky knits... I die.

Mary-Kate and Ashley! I miss their style via 2007 and 2008. They're too granny now.

Jen Brill. That girl is gawwwgeous.

The celebrity that triggered my pink Converse fetish. I love love love Kirsten Dunst. (Shhh, I copy many of Kirsten's looks). Natalie Portman, Kirsten Dunst, and Keira Knightley... the Holy Trinity.

Ummm... Yay for randomness?